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It doesn’t matter whether I think the dress is beautiful or not. “In other words, if you want to show appreciation, you can say what you don’t think.

And that’s okay, “Schmitz reassures me. Because what this is about is showing appreciation for the partner.” When I tell my wife: ‘This is a wonderful dress! You look great with it! ‘, That’s an honest feeling. It doesn’t matter whether I think the dress is beautiful or not. “In other words, if you want to show appreciation, you can say what you don’t think.

Man – a monogamous being?

Lying is one thing. Cheat another. So what about loyalty? Schmitz said: “I don’t think that humans are biologically oriented towards monogamy.” Therefore you should be aware that there are always people outside of the partnership that you find attractive. As well as those who find themselves attractive. “Pretending that this shouldn’t happen is self-deception. And pretending that this shouldn’t happen to your partner is not just self-deception, but an attempt to subjugate him,” warns the expert.

“I don’t believe that humans are oriented towards monogamy.”

Flirting with others? Yes. But cheating?

For many, the motto is: flirting with others? Why not! To cheat on? No thanks! Because sexuality is something that you only want to share with your partner. If both of you in a relationship hold this view – fine! In reality, according to the expert, it usually looks different: Often one of the two would discover that there is seduction. And not infrequently he would succumb to them. The question would be: Do you admit it or not? “I think it’s more realistic to say that something like this can happen and then ask yourself how you deal with it than to pretend: it never happens to us.”

© Corbis Is man made for monogamy?

Why an affair can be good for the relationship

“There are people who, without thinking of an affair, flirt with others in order to experience themselves as desirable. And there are those who want more than one flirtation.” An affair can also have a positive, invigorating effect on the existing relationship. “To experience that you are attractive to others promotes self-confidence,” explains the expert. In addition, the love affair could inspire you to redesign your own relationship. Schmitz said: “There are couples who admit something like that to each other. And there are couples who say: ‘This is not for us. We would rather have a relationship in which we are sexually true to each other.’ Both is OK.”

One wants, the other doesn’t

But what if one wants to live out his sexual fantasies with other people while the other relies on 100 percent loyalty? “That’s difficult. You have to ask yourself: Has so much good happened in the relationship that I can cope with the injuries that affairs have inflicted on me?” If the injury is too great, the person affected should in any case consider whether a loyal partner would be a better fit for them. “But everyone can only judge that for themselves.” In addition, one must take into account how often the partner cheats. “If that happens all the holy times during a long-term relationship, you can put it away.123essay If the affairs are on the agenda, however, the injury is much greater.” Until one day you ask yourself how important you are to your partner.

© Corbis Discretion is the top priority in an affair

Affair, but right

If there is actually an affair, you should definitely be discreet. So “not in a way that everyone knows, just not the partner concerned. That is humiliating and shameful,” warns Schmitz. In addition, one must not only lie, but also be able to lie. It would take a clear willingness to lie and a plausible story. Whereby one shouldn’t get caught up in contradictions. So is it okay to lie and cheat? “If you are not fundamentally monogamous in a relationship, but still do a lot for it and really want it, then you don’t always have to say everything to yourself. Then you don’t always have to observe the other person closely and ask them questions Generosity also leaves space. ” Which of course is not a free ticket for “rolling around in bed with others” as the mood takes you.

“You don’t always have to say everything to yourself, you don’t always have to watch the other closely.”

When the affair becomes a danger …

But everything has its limits, the expert knows. He advises stopping when the lover becomes a fundamental threat to the relationship. When he becomes as important as the partner himself. “It makes a difference whether you have an affair that has something light, playful and non-committal, or whether the love affair develops into a secret love that becomes a secondary relationship. It gets tricky. You can no longer do that with your partner with a clear conscience. ” Because one can assume that he forges his life concept on the basis of the relationship, while the partner may already have completely different plans in mind. “To withhold the truth from the partner here would be a serious fraud.”

No love sustains itself

Ultimately, everyone has to decide for themselves whether they want to be loyal and, conversely, how important a loyal partner is to them. One must ask oneself how much the affair means to one. How much the truth would weigh on the relationship. And how the partnership could – be redesigned – if you don’t put the cards openly on the table. “Although I’m not saying that lying is good,” emphasizes Schmitz. Either way: “It is important that the affair, if the relationship is no longer going smoothly, is interpreted as an alarm signal that you have to try again.” It would be a much bigger problem if you no longer make an effort, no longer give the other enough attention and time, no longer pursue common interests and no longer tell each other about life, “Schmitz points out. Because no love, according to the expert, sustains itself.

© Corbis No love is self-sufficient

Book tip

© Orac Verlag

Love, Lust and Marriage Bed – A book on the cause of Margot and Michael Schmitz. Published by Orac Verlag.

Click here for the

Facebook page of love, lust and marriage bed

.

In the video: These are the places where most affairs begin.

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Lying is part of maintaining a relationship. And affairs can enliven the partnership. Beliefs that one would not immediately affirm. And yet: Always confronting your partner with the naked truth can sometimes do more harm than good to one another. At the same time, the relationship with entering gray areas is not automatically doomed. So how should you deal with the truth? How about loyalty? And above all: where is the limit that it is better not to cross? News.at asked the expert.

“Lies”, says the Viennese couple therapist Dr Michael Schmitz, “is part of maintaining relationships. That may sound provocative, but if we are honest we have to admit that we all lie umpteen times a day.” We say things to please someone else. We pay compliments – on looks, on behavior. It is well known that the fact that such statements do not always correspond to absolute truth is one of the venial sins. “Those are the little lies. We call them charm. And that’s okay too,” says Schmitz. Because what this is about is showing appreciation for the partner. “When I say to my wife: ‘This is a wonderful dress! You look great with it!’ Then it’s an honest feeling. It doesn’t matter whether I think the dress is beautiful or not.” In other words: if you want to show appreciation, you can also say what you don’t think.

Man – a monogamous being?

Lying is one thing. Cheat another. So what about loyalty? Schmitz said: “I don’t think that humans are biologically oriented towards monogamy.” Therefore you should be aware that there are always people outside of the partnership that you find attractive. As well as those who find themselves attractive. “Pretending that this shouldn’t happen is self-deception. And pretending that this shouldn’t happen to your partner is not just self-deception, but an attempt to subjugate him,” warns the expert.

“I don’t believe that humans are oriented towards monogamy.”

Flirting with others? Yes. But cheating?

For many, the motto is: flirting with others? Why not! To cheat on? No thanks! Because sexuality is something that you only want to share with your partner. If both of you in a relationship hold this view – fine! In reality, according to the expert, it usually looks different: Often one of the two would discover that there is seduction. And not infrequently he would succumb to them. The question would be: Do you admit it or not? “I think it’s more realistic to say that something like this can happen and then ask yourself how you deal with it than to pretend: it never happens to us.”

© Corbis Is man made for monogamy?

Why an affair can be good for the relationship

“There are people who, without thinking of an affair, flirt with others in order to experience themselves as desirable. And there are those who want more than one flirtation.” An affair can also have a positive, invigorating effect on the existing relationship. “To experience that you are attractive to others promotes self-confidence,” explains the expert. In addition, the love affair could inspire you to redesign your own relationship. Schmitz said: “There are couples who admit something like that to each other. And there are couples who say: ‘This is not for us. We would rather have a relationship in which we are sexually true to each other.’ Both is OK.”

One wants, the other doesn’t

But what if one wants to live out his sexual fantasies with other people while the other relies on 100 percent loyalty? “That’s difficult. You have to ask yourself: Has so much good happened in the relationship that I can cope with the injuries that affairs have inflicted on me?” If the injury is too great, the person affected should in any case consider whether a loyal partner would be a better fit for them. “But everyone can only judge that for themselves.” In addition, one must take into account how often the partner cheats. “If that happens all the holy times during a long-term relationship, you can put it away. If the affairs are on the agenda, however, the injury is much greater.” Until one day you ask yourself how important you are to your partner.

© Corbis Discretion is the top priority in an affair

Affair, but right

If there is actually an affair, you should definitely be discreet. So “not in a way that everyone knows, just not the partner concerned. That is humiliating and shameful,” warns Schmitz. In addition, one must not only lie, but also be able to lie. It would take a clear willingness to lie and a plausible story. Whereby one shouldn’t get caught up in contradictions. So is it okay to lie and cheat? “If you are not fundamentally monogamous in a relationship, but still do a lot for it and really want it, then you don’t always have to say everything to yourself. Then you don’t always have to observe the other person closely and ask them questions Generosity also leaves space. ” Which of course is not a free ticket for “rolling around in bed with others” as the mood takes you.

“You don’t always have to say everything to yourself, you don’t always have to watch the other closely.”

When the affair becomes a danger …

But everything has its limits, the expert knows. He advises stopping when the lover becomes a fundamental threat to the relationship. When he becomes as important as the partner himself. “It makes a difference whether you have an affair that has something light, playful and non-committal, or whether the love affair develops into a secret love that becomes a secondary relationship. It gets tricky. You can no longer do that with your partner with a clear conscience. ” Because one can assume that he forges his life concept on the basis of the relationship, while the partner may already have completely different plans in mind. “To withhold the truth from the partner here would be a serious fraud.”

No love sustains itself

Ultimately, everyone has to decide for themselves whether they want to be loyal and, conversely, how important a loyal partner is to them. One must ask oneself how much the affair means to one. How much the truth would weigh on the relationship. And how the partnership could – be redesigned – if you don’t put the cards openly on the table. “Although I’m not saying that lying is good,” emphasizes Schmitz. Either way: “It is important that the affair, if the relationship is no longer going smoothly, is interpreted as an alarm signal that you have to try again.” It would be a much bigger problem if you no longer make an effort, no longer give the other enough attention and time, no longer pursue common interests and no longer tell each other about life, “Schmitz points out. Because no love, according to the expert, sustains itself.

© Corbis No love is self-sufficient

Book tip

© Orac Verlag

Love, Lust and Marriage Bed – A book on the cause of Margot and Michael Schmitz. Published by Orac Verlag.

Click here for the

Facebook page of love, lust and marriage bed

.

In the video: These are the places where most affairs begin.

Read news for 1 month now for free! * * The test ends automatically.

More on this ▶

NEWS FROM THE NETWORK

Win true wireless earphones from JBL now! (E-media.at)

New access (yachtrevue.at)

8 reasons why it’s great to be single (lustaufsleben.at)

Salmon shrimp burger with wasabi mayonnaise and honey cucumber (gusto.at)

In the new trend: Shock-Down – how long can the economy withstand lockdowns? (Trend.at)

The 35 best family series to laugh and feel good (tv-media.at)

E-Scooter in Vienna: All providers and prices 2020 in comparison (autorevue.at)

Comments

register

Connect with Facebook

Lying is part of maintaining a relationship. And affairs can enliven the partnership.